You might need a new camera crew. They didn’t seem to be your best supporters.
I like the idea you’re working with here. You need to push it further, but you’re headed in the right direction. No story yet, though. Get in a story that illustrates how great a hall monitor you’ve been. That will help.
Ethos: You need to help us understand what being competent in hall monitoring means. You sound vicious; is this what is “competent”? Help us to understand what an ideal hall monitor would do, and then help us to see that you have been (and will be) that monitor.
Pathos: To make it clear that there’s been a void around here, you need to spend more time (and not just at the end) talking about the current hall problems. Help us to recognize the extent of the problem.
Corey:
ReplyDeleteYou might need a new camera crew. They didn’t seem to be your best supporters.
I like the idea you’re working with here. You need to push it further, but you’re headed in the right direction. No story yet, though. Get in a story that illustrates how great a hall monitor you’ve been. That will help.
Ethos: You need to help us understand what being competent in hall monitoring means. You sound vicious; is this what is “competent”? Help us to understand what an ideal hall monitor would do, and then help us to see that you have been (and will be) that monitor.
Pathos: To make it clear that there’s been a void around here, you need to spend more time (and not just at the end) talking about the current hall problems. Help us to recognize the extent of the problem.